Vacillate
by Revan Sama
Summary: Darkness and revenge : those are Sasuke's way of a ninja. But even so...Itachi's smiling face will always remain. Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Itachi. No Pairing.


_Bring..._

_...Back..._

_...Bring them back !_

_I WANT them BACK !_

_Father._

_Mother._

_And...most of all...more than everything..._

_**"Sorry Sasuke...This is the last time."**_

Anger and hate, those two emotions were always part of Sasuke's life.  
From the very beginning. Whatever it was at his Father for always expecting more  
or at Itachi for his gentleness as an older brother even though Sasuke hated him for always being first to have their Father's acknowledgement.

Even if, like his mother would say, he was still a pure and innocent child, he couldn't help to have those ugly feelings.  
Little he knew was that, always, when you love, be it somebody or something from the bottom of your heart, hate isn't far away either.

So he understood, when his beloved older brother slaughtered everyone he loved, tainted his pureness and crushed his innocent dreams.

Anger and hate, those two emotions had always a bitter taste.  
But after the Uchiha incident, the taste became a lot more sour than before.  
He thought that he had matured, that he saw the world's true color, that it made him a better Shinobi, just like his father wanted and would acknowledged...  
Even if honestly, he would have wanted that things would have stay the way it was.

But...

No pain, no gain.

The most painful life lesson.

**-Uchiha-Incident-Flash-Back-**

He was at his limit. Itachi's illusion was really powerful, Sasuke almost couldn't breathe anymore.  
He began to feel heavy and his eyes were closing slowly.  
He couldn't use the Sharingan he has just awaken. After all it was the first time he use it. He was going to fall into everlasting darkness, Itachi knew that and he turned his back on him.

_...Don't..._

He was maybe really exhausted but even in such state, he knew.

_...Please..._

He knew, as his former tender older brother was walking away.

_...I beg you..._

Once he would close his eyes.

_...Don't leave !_

Itachi would be gone.

Sasuke would be alone.

Before he could walk furthermore, someone grabbed Itachi's ankle. He look down, only to see Sasuke grabbing his ankle even more tightly.

"..." Itachi was still staring at him coldly and said nothing for a while until...

"We can't go back to what we were." Stated Itachi.

He looked around and even though his voice was still icy, it seem to have some nostalgia in it.

"This place is the beginning and also the end. From now on, we will all walk in different paths until the day we-"

"Brother..." Sasuke's voice was very weak and Itachi didn't needed the Sharingan to know that his little brother's cheeks were wet with tears.

"...Where...where should I stand, such that...I can see the same things you do?"

_The same way..._

"To understand the same feelings..." Sasuke's breathing became louder at each seconds.

"..." Smalls hints of emotion darted over Itachi's hauntingly beautiful face.

"...Because I don't want to be left behind..."

Sasuke's voice became louder, filled with sorrow and madness in his eyes.

"I don't want you to leave me inside the nightmare you've created !"

Then...Then...

Nothing.

Just everlasting darkness.

**-End-Of-The-Flash-Back-**

That fateful night, Itachi left without saying a word.  
But for Sasuke, silence wasn't an answer.  
He trained himself harder and harder.  
He had to be superior than anyone.  
To think that another Shinobi, anyone else than him, that any other person's strength would be acknowledged by the murder of his former life and of his heart...It was unthinkable !  
What an insult it would be ! But especially it would mean that...he would still be second place. First with his father and now with Itachi? No way in hell !

His pride won't accept this. He would crush anyone who would dare to think being stronger. Anyone. Even his cocky dead last best friend...

Since childhood, Sasuke hated and despised the boy, he was the source of his anger.  
He was a nobody and a nuisance. To Sasuke, Naruto was everything he didn't want to be. A simple mortal among gods of the night : Shinobi.

He was out of his league, just how Sasuke always wanted.  
However he still persisted.  
Naruto was like an insignificant but fierce memory that encircle your mind and your entire body.  
Maybe if things would have been different, Sasuke would have really acted like a real best friend.  
Still there was one thing that would always deep the gulf between them.

The Uchiha's pride and hate.

Even if he was a dead last, Naruto still managed to come this far...when Sasuke was still at the start.

_Until now, what have I done?_

_What have accomplished ?_

_What has changed ?_

The more Sasuke was having second thoughts about his power and strength as a Shinobi, as an Uchiha, the more he began to forgot about friendship and the will of fire he had gained since team seven was forged.

_**"Why are you so weak? Maybe is it because you...lack of hate."**_

_**"...I have absolutely no interest in you right now."**_

_...Why?_

_Why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY-?_

_What does that...that...outsider dead last has better than me?_

_**"Not good."**_

_Which part of me as an opponent do you disapprove?_

_**"Never good enough."**_

_Why do I always have to be behind your back?_

_**"As I thought, you are not like Itachi."**_

_How is it possible that I lack of hate?_

_**"Do you resent me that much?"**_

_Each day. EACH of THEM I remind myself of the one I have to kill for taking the life that was mine._

_Each day, I remind myself the consequence of my weakness and ignorance._

_I loathe you from the day you left._

_What more do you want of me?_

...

Like a child.

At that time he wouldn't admit it, or maybe he just didn't know about it.  
But at that time, Sasuke didn't felt like an avenger. He felt like a child.  
A spoiled child who's favorite person was giving someone else the attention he wanted.  
An angry child who hasn't got what he wanted the most. And most of all...

A lonely child.

To make Naruto the villain instead of the real one.

Just to reassure himself that his hate was really still there.

Just for his revenge and his own sake, he would let go of any promises.

Any former friendship.

_Naruto..._

Any Blind love.

_Sakura..._

Any sickening bonds. It was because of those that he was like this. Never...Never again he would let this happen.

From the day he left Konoha, Sasuke lived in darkness and in blind hate.  
Any other concern than Itachi was as good as dead. He lived for Itachi, he survived for Itachi, he hated for Itachi. All the hard training for Itachi. Everything for Itachi.

Was he this blind or proud that he didn't notice?

Since childhood, Sasuke loved and adored his older brother, he was his world.  
Nobody existed while he was there. He was gentle, unsocial and very skilled. To Sasuke, Itachi was perfect. A god among the mortals.

His brother was tender. Maybe a little too much. Was it because of this mask of tenderness that he didn't saw the real Uchiha Itachi?

Was it because of his naivety as a child, that he was that ignorant.

To the extreme of having Uchiha Madara telling the whole true about his older brother?

Unasked questions, former feelings of love, drown into sorrow.

_Until now,...what have I done?_

_What have accomplished ?_

_What has changed ?_

_Nothing._

**Darkness and revenge : those are Uchiha Sasuke's way of a ninja.**

...

**But even so...**

_I have repeated sin so much that I can't count._

_One is I touched your hand._

_One is I tried to make you live gently next to me._

_I'll atone by pain of loneliness._

_Just like before I'll let go of any promises._

_So even if it's for a short time, please let me be again by your side._

_I wish we meet up again in former mind._

_Then let's be hand in hand like before._

_Till it's that time._

**...Itachi's smiling face will always remain.**

_"See you again."_

END.


End file.
